all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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