R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
