If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
