I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
