He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
