I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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