I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
