ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
