I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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