quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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