I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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