had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we're so committed to being not committed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
