it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
