I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
