Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
