he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
