he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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