Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
