She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
