Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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