I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
