When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
