I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
