I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
