watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize