closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
