This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
