you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
