we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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