Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
