GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Quick, to the slutcave!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
