Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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