once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
