Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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