1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
