Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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