Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
