There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
