I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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