Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
