just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
