remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
