Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
