We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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