you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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