Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
