Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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