sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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