I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
