She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
