so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
