youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
and you fell through a lawn chair
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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