I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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