I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Panties = found
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