they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize