i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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