so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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