I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
