I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
