we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
