So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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