I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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