I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
