What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
