he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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