No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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