Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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