You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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