just tell him i said nine months
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
