so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
