I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I supernannyed him into submission
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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