Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
